i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
