I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
