We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
