Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
