grandma shit on top of the toilet
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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