Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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