Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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