It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so let's talk penis.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
