The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
