**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
