i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
