I love black thongs
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
