Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
