Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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