its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
