The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
