Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
