also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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