Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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