two words: eviction party
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
