I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
