Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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