How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
