it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
