what if every blade of grass was a penis?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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