I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize