guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
