bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
