So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
