then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
