The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
