If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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