did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
