Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
