I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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