$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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