my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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