Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
