You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
