And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
