I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
