but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
