I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
