I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize