You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
