dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
