is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
