i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
