peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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