Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
