my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
