So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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