can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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