i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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