is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
