forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
