U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
