I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
