Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
