I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
