"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize