thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
