kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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