All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
