I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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