Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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