So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
