The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
