Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
