My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
