the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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