Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
