I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
