When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
