Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
