I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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