Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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