somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize