Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
