did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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