i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
