i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
