we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
