i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
