I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
