Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
