That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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