im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
