she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
