Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
