I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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