Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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