You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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